Through My Eyes
by PurelyPoison
Summary: "Sometimes to understand how we got to this future, we must re-live our past". One not-so-important day in sixth year, a newly-branded Draco Malfoy, decides that he needs a distraction from the mission voldemort has assigned him and he knows just who to target... Hermione Granger. This will change everything! Dramione! Mature.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Loosely based on 'How Many Miles to Babylon' by Jennifer Johnston.**

**Review please.**

**PurelyPoison**

**_Prologue_**

**_The only thing worth leaving behind..._**

"Because I am young and foolish they have not taken away my pen or my paper so I sit and I wait and I write. My future is only what you can count in hours and for you that may seem little but for me that is excruciatingly long.

All I can do is look back on the events that brought me here and all that happened in between and think of my own interpretation for what it is worth. My version will be inaccurate; after all they do say that we all see the world differently. But it is my version nonetheless and that I think counts for something.

It's my own fault I am here; I am not so foolish that I would blame somebody else. I started this and so it will end that way.

My mother is dead now but like me she may be better off so. It's been years since I cared about him, I hope that he is dead. There were moments when I almost admired him.

Now that I look back and begin to tell my story, the only glaring reality I can really get a hold on is my obvious naivety. It angers me to remember now what I was then. How could I fail to realise all that awaited me? I was born into this life but I took to it as a Wizard takes to magic. As far as I was concerned it was meant to be.

Taking the mark...I can't even begin to talk about that. Not yet anyway.

The only way I can think of telling my story is by starting at the beginning and allowing each and every painful thing to come to light as and when it happened.

I have seen death in its purest form. I have watched life flicker and fade from the eyes of everyone I loved and even those I didn't.

The Great Battle of Hogwarts...I bet that is what they are calling it now. How can a battle truly be great, when the two people it revolved around are dead? It makes me wonder but I will come to that. Maybe you already have all the answers?

I'm not sure who is left of my own kind. Death eaters I mean even though you may disagree with my choice of words. I would imagine they fell on the battle field or perhaps some are condemned to the same fate that now awaits me. I can think of worse things in this life.

I am duly grateful that they have all stayed away from me. I have the four walls of this room for company. I am expected to leave my last will and testament on these pages, decent of them to think that I have any possessions worth leaving to anyone, but all I want to do is leave behind one thing. That is my story.

For what it is worth.

But it isn't for them.

It is for you.

You...

Even now as I write these words I feel my heart ache and my hand tremble to know that you will read this, touch the pages I am writing on now, and I hope that you will understand.

I hope that you will finally know what it felt like to be on my side, to see things as I saw them. But mostly, I hope that you will continue to love me just the same with the same unwavering loyalty and trust whether I deserve it or not.

This story cannot be just about me. I must correct myself without going back through the words and scribbling all over them. Forgive me if I ramble, it is what happens when you are finally left with nothing but your memories. Even my words sound as if they have aged one hundred years.

This starts as my story but it will end as our story.

The story of how I loved you and how you came to love me.

The story of how you saved me.

And how I could not save myself.

I am sorry for that; I must be your greatest disappointment.

I have only regret now that I am here. But I will never regret loving you or allowing you to show me that there was more to this life than I had been taught to believe. You allowed me to hope for the first time and I shall always be grateful.

Bear in mind I said regret, not remorse. I cannot feel that, what would be the point in wasting pages by telling the story that mankind already knows? Life is a bitch, move on.

I will not bore you with details of my childhood or sombre, melancholic monologues of how unfair and unjust life can be. You were not expecting that I hope?

All you will get from me is realism.

The merciless bastard that is reality.

Also known as cold, hard fact.

This is not the place for dreams. Any dream that could have been is long since dead and believe it or not, I think I like it like that.

But when I speak of us...you and the pathetic creature that is me, you must allow me the leeway of emotions.

I've already said I love you; don't make me keep repeating myself. So then you must understand that, as the strongest emotion in my arsenal, it will bleed into the story somehow.

I leave you behind with the knowledge that a life together was never on the cards. We play the hand we were dealt as best we can and while my hand was particularly cruel, I always knew the ending.

And I was right.

Here I am.

I hope this reaches you my darling.

I hope that the next person to walk into this room is you so that I may press these already worn pages into your hands and plead that you will read them.

But I know you will not come to me.

I told you not to.

But then you always did have a way of surprising me.

You certainly never listened to me before.

My hope settles on these pages like dust. Nobody wants it there, it is dirty to see and gritty to feel.

I see it there and it sickens me. I still have not learned my lesson.

I'm rambling again and forgetting that I promised you a story. You already know it, I'm aware of that. I can already picture that look of derision you often gave me when I would painstakingly tell you something you already knew.

But you don't know this story from where I'm standing.

We both remember that I wasn't exactly the sharing kind.

But now I'm sharing and I don't think it is too late.

If, when you read this, you think it is too little too late. Then toss the rest of the pages on the fire. It will do you no good to read them.

But if you think you can bear to hear my truth. My untwisted and harsh truth.

Then my darling, continue.

I do not fail to see the amusement that I was never the storyteller or the writer. I always left that to far more patient minds than my own. I shall try to tell it chronologically but no doubt you will remember it perfectly and perhaps notice the inconsistencies or the lack of chronology in places.

I find it hard to remember everything. The only thing I can focus on is the feeling of the cold pen in my left hand as it presses against my fingers.

Just know that I will tell the truth. All of it no matter how deplorable it may be.

And know that I do it all for you...you whose name I find it so hard to write never mind say aloud.

You...

Hermione.

It was all for you.

This...this is all for you.

Because I am young and foolish they have not taken away my pen or my paper so I sit and I wait and I write. The last memories, of a pure blood, a murderer, a death eater, a fool, myself, Draco Malfoy".


	2. Chapter 2

**Please read and review!**

**Chapter One**

**Only the beginning**

Spending time on my own wasn't unusual. Amusing myself was second nature. Being an only child, I found interacting with other kids my age incredibly difficult and not only that, I didn't particularly enjoy it. Blaise Zabini was my best friend growing up. He understood what it felt like to stand where we stood; on the edge of everything knowing that one day we would have to join in but in the meantime we had to learn all there was to learn.

My parents didn't mention Voldemort, what's the point in being frightened of his name now, a lot when I was a child but as I got older he started to bleed into the conversation as if he was some sort of old family friend they had neglected to mention all of this time. So my story really begins the summer I had turned sixteen and about to enter my sixth year of Hogwarts. It was memorable to say the least.

Breakfast was always a tense affair in the Malfoy home. It was probably the only meal of the day that I ever ate with them. They couldn't stand being in each other's company for too long and I was their only common ground. As a child this had bothered me, as a teenager I really could have cared less.

"Draco, your father has something important to discuss with you", my mother dabbed her mouth delicately with the napkin she was holding before smiling at me, "Lucius". She spoke his name with a sharpness my ears had grown accustomed to.

My father had merely grunted upon my arrival into the breakfast parlour. This was his usual early morning greeting; I never found the time to reply to it. So upon being told that he actually had something to say to me, that could be regarded as an important discussion, made me want to laugh aloud.

He lowered The Daily Prophet to glare at her, "I told you I would discuss it in my own time".

"And I told you, that now was the best time. You've already agreed to it without even consulting me and now that I hear it is to be performed tomorrow, you will discuss this with him now", she glared ferociously back. Her hatred of him spilled into everything she said and every action she performed. It was all done to spite him, including her tenderness towards me.

I was not so naive to think that she did that because she loved me.

Their conversations had always followed the same path, whether I was in the room with them or not, the same malevolent words dripped from their mouths without them ever having to raise their voices. It was like watching a game, a cruel sport, in which the winner was always my father and it always ending with one cool, hard swipe of his fist.

He didn't know how else to end a conversation. I used to imagine him hitting his friends in the same way but then I realised they never argued with him the way she did. And no matter how many times I would plead with her growing up to stop, she never seemed to learn her lesson. I see now how much like her I am, we keep poking the sleeping dragon just to see if its reaction when it wakes up is the same every single time. We never learn to just leave well enough alone and as a result we get burned every time.

I sat down in the middle of the table, at my usual place between them, before being invited to do so. I knew this conversation would be awkward enough without the forced necessary courtesies he would offer thrown in.

He glared at her one more time before setting the paper down altogether. The headline screamed at me, DARK LORD'S FOLLOWERS GROW IN NUMBER.

I smiled at the page.

"Draco", my father cleared his throat, "I have something important to talk to you about".

"I've already said that", she snapped at him, "You will scare him get on with it".

"Shut up woman, I told you I would do this my way and I don't need your ridiculous notions of protecting him getting in the way". He didn't even look at her as he spoke. She wasn't worth his time.

"As I was saying", he continued, "Tomorrow is your sixteenth birthday and given that the Dark Lord has made a special request of you he has seen it fit for your branding to take place as soon as possible".

I didn't say anything, how stupid did they think I was? I had known this was coming for some time now. Ever since he had asked me to kill Dumbledore I had known he would have to brand me.

I resorted to shrugging back at him, really what more was there to say?

She muffled a sob with her napkin behind me; I ignored her as did my father.

"Tomorrow you will become a man my son". My father didn't catch my eye as he said these words. I was already an utter disappointment to him and whether this mark truly made me a man or not was irrelevant, I was already useless in his eyes.

"Supposing I said I didn't want to be branded?" I said pulling apart the pieces of toast on my plate without any thought of actually eating them.

A tense silence settled around the room and I revelled in knowing I had caused it.

She stopped sobbing and I knew they were exchanging glances. Her tears were merely to show me that she was worried about my mission. They were not tears over my taking the mark.

"But you won't, will you?" my father's tone is angry and I didn't need to look at him to know he had leaned towards me ever so slightly, ready to haul me out of my chair if he had to. It wouldn't be the first time but in recent years he has stopped doing it as much as he used to, ever since I had learned to hit back.

"No, I don't suppose I will. Besides what would be the point", I shrugged, knowing that my apparent nonchalant attitude would set them both on edge.

She started sobbing again.

"That's settled then; the Dark Lord will be gracing us with his presence tomorrow to perform the ceremony. I've invited the Zabini's and the Parkinson's. I do believe Blaise is to receive the mark also", he shuffled his paper once more as if he had to give his fingers something to do.

"Why is Pansy going to be here?"

"She is coming with her parents in order to witness the event. If she is to be your wife then she has a right to be here", my mother spoke again, still dabbing her eyes with the napkin.

"Wife?"

I didn't look at her when I spoke this word, incredulity resonating from my features.

"Yes Draco, when you are of age you must take a wife. I was barely seventeen when I married your father", she settled her hands on the table, leaning over towards me, "It is what is expected of you".

"If you expect me to marry her then you are resigning me to the same fate that has befallen your own marriage", I replied coldly pushing my chair out from the table and standing, "A lifetime of hating ages a person, I only have to look at both of you to know that".

"You are being absurd", said my father angrily, "Don't speak to me that way".

"I believe he was speaking to both of us", said my mother sharply.

"Yes I was and if you can admit that the only reason you had me was so you would never have to be alone with each other then we can wrap up this ridiculous discussion right now", I was glaring at both of them pointedly now absolutely infuriated with how they were behaving.

"That isn't what happened", said his father coughing abruptly and leaning back in his chair observing me coolly while the veins in his neck threatened to pop.

"Isn't it?" whispered my mother.

I scoffed, "I thought so, and I'm surprised you didn't have more".

"We should have, if I had realised my only son would be a disappointment to me then perhaps we would have. You imagine I'm proud of you when I hear that there is a certain muggle-born in your year that is smarter than you, a pureblood, in everything?" My father was angry now, I had done that and I was indeed proud of myself.

"I seem to be a product of what spawned me", I replied coolly narrowing my eyes at him, "Maybe you would prefer if I married her? That way our children would have my blood and her intelligence. Not to mention her ravishing good looks..."

...

...

Nothing was said after that remark; it had earned me a place on the floor with blood sputtering from my mouth. The bastard had split my lip before I'd even had time to blink.

I spat the blood out onto the polished mahogany floor and stood shakily but defiantly to my feet. My mother was still holding the napkin to her mouth in horror but other than that she hadn't moved one inch.

"Don't ever hit me again", I spat at him, more blood falling out of my mouth.

He was on still on his feet, his fist remaining clenched as he stared at me furiously, "You little bastard, don't you ever speak to me like that again. You get that mudblood out of your head or I will knock it out of you. I forbid you to think of her".

"No need father", I wiped my lip again imagining how it must be swelling, "She was only in my head because you put her there and you know what? I think I'll keep her there. She will be a welcome distraction when I feel like using her".

I managed to saunter out of the room before he realised his mistake and what exactly I had said. He had put her in my head, how odd that I should use her as a way to get him to lose his temper. I would have to remember that, if I could use her more often maybe around Pansy. Allow the image of me loving a mudblood to fill her head and see how it tortures her.

That could be fun.

I refused to leave the confines of my room for the rest of the day. I heard the study door open and slam not long after my exit from the breakfast parlour and knew my father had retreated in there to be away from her.

And this was the happy marriage they wanted me to have with Pansy. Don't get me wrong, looking back it probably wasn't the worst life I could have had. I certainly didn't hate her even if she was insipid but somehow I seemed to know I was destined for more than that.

And I don't mean my mission to kill Dumbledore. I knew even then it wouldn't be possible but I had to try. After all, I was one of them and always had been. It never occurred to me to think that I wasn't a true death eater, to think that my heart was never really in it.

When the time came for me to take the mark...I can barely describe it now. Voldemort lowered his wand onto my left forearm, don't ask me where the choice of arm or location came from, while reciting some incantation that I was never going to remember because all I could think about was how a red hot poker was being branded onto my skin.

It's a pain that you can never really get away from because it lives under the skin and in the blood.

It's like a rash that you can never have relief from because you can't see it, you can only feel where the itch is but you can do nothing about it.

By that evening I had torn apart my room, ripped the curtains down, smashed the mirror in my bathroom, broken a few chairs and even torn chunks out of the bed posts such was my agony.

Voldemort had said it would take me time to get used to it. That it would become part of me and I would learn to cope. I remember staring into his snake-like face and thinking that he couldn't really have any idea of how to cope, he was barely human and therefore there was no way he was feeling the same pain the rest of us did.

I had been determined not to scream but I had, everyone does even though they will tell you otherwise. Blaise managed about three seconds before he had roared and fallen to his knees. There is something oddly fascinating about watching the way the snake forms on your skin; it curls its way around and around your arm until finding its place and settling there.

Pansy had fainted. I hadn't bothered to pick her up; she shouldn't have had to see any of that like she had some sort of right to know what was going on in my life.

Mother had gone to see Aunt Bellatrix not long after it was over and Voldemort had apparated away much to my relief.

My father had looked at me, nodded swiftly and left the room. It was all the acknowledgment I was going to get. For once in my life I thanked whoever was listening that I would be leaving for Hogwarts in the space of a few days, getting away from his unbearable presence would be like heaven.

But it left the uncertainty of what Voldemort had asked me to do. He had said there would be dire consequences if I failed. I knew what that meant; he would kill my family and then me.

And Pansy wanted to be one of us, for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.

It was then, sitting on the floor of the mess that now was my bedroom that her face popped into my head. Not the Granger that I had come to know well but the one from the Yule Ball. Her hair sleeked back into place, her teeth no longer too big for her face, her complexion glowing as she twirled and danced and laughed the entire night away with Krum.

I shook myself, wondering where that image had come from. But it wouldn't leave and with it I realised I had found something distracting and the throbbing on my arm had eased slightly.

It was incredible, she had made me forget my agony and she wasn't even here, she was...I didn't even care where she was, she had helped.

I felt a little sick when I thought about how a mudblood had eased the pain of me taking the mark. It was ironic really. The very thing we were against was the only thing that was helping. But nobody had to know she was helping, if I could keep it to myself which shouldn't be too hard, then I could have all the relief I wanted without anyone ever knowing about it.

I was going to be around her at school, unable to avoid her presence and perhaps that would help. Being her friend or anything close to her was out of the question but if she was...there where I could see her, it might help.

I spent the rest of the night, imagining everything about her and trying to convince myself that nobody could see my thoughts. I would have to remember to practise my Occlumency with every chance I got. In my world, your thoughts are the last place you can keep a secret unless you can count yourself as exceptional at blocking your mind. I was lucky; Bellatrix had been a cruel but effective teacher.

"Do you think it will be different this year?"

"What do you mean Blaise?" We were sitting on the Hogwarts express, our usual compartment if I remember rightly, Pansy was stroking my hair and I was trying to pretend there was no pain in my arm.

It had eased ever so slightly with the rituals of picturing Granger that I had adopted. I could only think of her for a few minutes a day, I didn't want to become obsessed so I had given myself a time limit and I could only use her when it was unbearable.

"Well...with everything", he gestured to his arm, "I know we can't talk about it..."

"Then you should shut up now", I replied keeping my eyes closed, "You never know who could be listening. Besides we will notice soon enough who else has been branded".

"Crabbe and Goyle anyway", muttered Blaise, "They showed me their own already".

I sat up at this, "Blundering oafs. I've already told them to keep it to themselves. I'll have to have another word".

"I've already done that", smirked Blaise.

I couldn't help but grin back at him, he really did understand.

"I didn't even want to come back", he continued, stretching out in his seat, "It's such a stupid school".

"I don't think we will be here for much longer, don't worry", I replied folding my arms.

"Get out of my way", an indignant voice huffed from the carriageway.

Blaise stood and I followed suit, curiosity piquing my interest. Then I saw her.

Her hands were on her hips, displaying a very petite waistline. Her hair was still wavy but with more of a curl to it now than an untameable mess. Her face was quite sallow; she had obviously had a better summer than some of us, and her complexion glowed.

"Granger, I don't think you should be down this side of the train", said Blaise coming to a stop in front of the first year she was scolding.

"The train does not belong to you and just because all of you Slytherins congregate in the one place does not mean that you own this part either", she still managed to look annoyed even though she was completely outnumbered.

"Blaise", I said laying my hand on his shoulder and moving him back out of the way until it was me standing before her, "Is that any way to talk to Granger?"

She said nothing eyeing me warily, but I watched her anger dissipate in her confusion.

I leaned my face down towards her, breathing in her scent as I did so, "Granger, you're looking well", my eyes bored into hers, watching hers widen in surprised and then shrewdly narrow.

"What are you doing Malfoy, trying to intimidate me?"

"Not at all Granger, just trying to reach an impasse", I smiled at her giving her full view of my straight white teeth, "We are all grown-ups here now aren't we? So why don't you just go back to your end of the train and we'll stay at ours and nobody gets hexed or cursed?"

I watched her falter even further, she seemed to be shrinking in my eyes and I realised my proximity was making her nervous so I moved my face closer until my breath brushed off her cheeks.

"It will be better this way", I said smoothly my lips a mere inch from hers, "Believe me".

Her eyes drifted down towards my lips and lingered there for longer than they should have. My heart was thudding hard in my chest and in an attempt to quell it; I took a deep breath and smiled waiting for her eyes to come back up to my own.

Then I placed my hands on her shoulders ever so gently and turned her around, giving her a slight push so that she set off back the way she came in an utter daze. I watched her go, her curvy body sent tingles down my spine and I knew that her body totally aroused me.

"Alright children fuck off now, shows over", I turned, glaring at the students watching me closely and smiled with pleasure when they did as they were told.

"What the fuck was that?" said Blaise incredulously following me back into the compartment.

"I've decided to try a new tactic with our dear mudblood this year, I'm thinking of completely fucking her over", I replied flopping back down into my seat and a gobsmacked Pansy, "I want to frighten her and I can do that far easier than throwing insults at her because that is what she is prepared for. Did you see how she stuttered?" I smirked arrogantly, trying to ignore the fact that her lavender smell was still teasing my nostrils.

"Are we working up to some big finale?" Blaise wriggled his eyebrows and I knew precisely what he meant.

"I don't think I will go as far as raping her Blaise. But I think I will have some fun with her and just frighten the shit out of her in the process", I grinned at him.

"I like your thinking and if you won't go to the big finale maybe you'll let me", he laughed.

"I don't fucking think so", I retorted surprised at my sudden possessiveness, "She's mine to torment, you go get your own".

"Jeez mate, I was only joking. Just jealous you thought of it first, you could do worse than fucking around with Granger to mess with her head", he replied shaking his head in mock seriousness.

"I'm aware of that", I replied, "Maybe I will take it further and watch her tear herself to pieces".

"You'd have your work cut out for you with that innocent little virgin", said Pansy clearly miffed at the way we were speaking.

"Like I said, it would be a welcome distraction from everything else. Another project so to speak", I grinned, leaning back into Pansy's lap and letting her resume stroking my hair, the pain in my arm subsiding completely at my close contact with Granger.

Looking back I don't think I had a fucking clue that it was her who would watch me tear myself to pieces. It was her who would frighten the shit out of me.

I would be the only one getting fucked over.

**What do you think? Review please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Read and Review!**

**Chapter Two**

**Three is a Magic Number.**

_I can't remember now, when I look back, the exact moment that I actually decided to try and fuck with Hermione's life. I knew that I couldn't allow myself to become completely distracted from the mission Voldemort had asked me to fulfil. I wondered even then if I could really do it or not. But I had to have something to take my mind off everything, I deserved it surely? And what better thing to distract me than the one person who made me forget there was a painful tattoo on my arm? _

_She was to be a mere plaything: a tiny blip on my radar that allowed me to forget that I wasn't a sixteen year old boy with no more worries than school and trying to avoid a beating. I shake my head when I write these words, my hands are still trembling._

_How can I have been so stupid?_

_Everything really started to come together the first night back in the Slytherin Common Room. That was when it really started and so that is where I will start from. Try to keep up won't you? It's important._

I sat on one of the winged leather armchairs, my legs swung casually over the side, staring into the roaring fire. You would imagine that it would brighten the place up but all it did was cast dark shadows across the room. This was the way we all liked it though, plenty of dark corners as a result.

"What are you thinking about?" Pansy purred taking a seat opposite me, shrinking back into the armchair as if trying to come across meek. Her face had the look of someone burning to ask one hundred questions but didn't want anyone to know the curiosity was killing her.

"Why do you want to know?" I asked with my eyebrows raised. "Sticking your nose where it isn't wanted again are we?"

"Why do you always assume my intentions are anything but honourable?" She pouted.

"Because I'm usually right", I continued staring at her until she stuck out her bottom lip.

"Fine, I want to know what Voldemort has asked you to do", she folded her arms petulantly.

"Where did that come from?" I replied surprised that that was the first place her mind had gone to upon seeing my pensive look.

"You just muttered 'necklace' under your breath while you were thinking and I'm assuming it has something to do with what you've been asked to do. So I want to know what it is."

I felt my insides go cold; muttering to myself was a very bad habit that I seemed to have adopted since my mind became too full to hold everything I was thinking. I remember wondering if I would have to start writing things down so that this didn't happen again.

Funny old world isn't it?

"Not a question I'm going to fucking answer, next", I said glaring at her now and leaning back into the chair confident I had said nothing incriminating, not that it mattered. She wasn't even supposed to know there was any mission at all. The problem was my mother couldn't keep anything to herself.

"I was just telling Pansy dear how this will be a tough year for you with your new role and that she should support you as best she can", my mother had said.

I mean how fucking stupid did she think Pansy was? She had been told not to speak of the mission but by blatantly hinting at it she might as well have written the damn thing out on posters and left them up around the house for people to gawp at.

"I'm supposed to be supporting you", said Pansy raising her voice and drawing the attention of several people around the room.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" I asked angrily, waiting until their gazes found something more interesting to look at, "Keep your fucking voice down", I whispered to her.

"But I am supposed to support you so I need to know what is going on", she whispered hurriedly back, moving out of the chair to sit at my feet.

I hated when she did that, it always gave me the overwhelming urge to kick her.

"You don't need to know everything about me in order to support me. Now this conversation is over unless you change the subject and quickly", I gave her a look of derision and waited patiently.

"Right..." I began moving my gaze back to the fire.

"What are you going to do to Granger?" she interrupted; something else I hated about her.

"Granger?"

I'd forgotten all about her since the train but Pansy saying her name made my body roar with delight as the niggling pain in my arm ceased completely. This was getting dangerous. Soon her name wouldn't be enough, then I would have to talk to her, then touch her, then kiss her and then...

My trousers were suddenly too tight and I had to quash the thoughts down with an iron fist.

"Yes you said you were going to fuck her over and I was just wondering how you planned on doing this because I have some ideas?" she's smiling now, I'll admit she had a lovely smile when it was natural but this...this evil grin that she thought was endearing made me think she was constipated.

"I haven't decided anything concrete yet. At the moment I'm just going to act differently towards her and I'm hoping it will shake her up enough. I want to give her a complete false sense of security. I want her to trust me utterly and then I'm going to light the fuse and watch the world burn around her", I smiled to myself. The plan was still in the baby stages, I had yet to put it all together but my thoughts were gradually forming something coherent.

They did say that some men just wanted to watch the world burn; I think I was a bit like that in my innocence. It changed later, I became the one being burned and my whole mindset shifted drastically almost as if the world had decided to start turning in the opposite direction.

"Well do you want to hear some of my ideas?" she was still grinning that pained grin and I imagined her sitting on the toilet and had to suppress my own smirk.

"Ideas for what?" said Blaise shoving some first year off the couch and taking up the entire seat with his own bulk. He raised his eyebrows at me incredulously trying to figure out if I had cracked already and told Pansy.

What people don't know, I don't think they are even aware of it now after everything has already come to pass, was that Blaise was privy to my mission from the very beginning.

Indeed, he had been told to help me if I needed it. The idea was that he was my friend and a less conspicuous ally than Snape would have been. But I was suspicious even then that my mother had already spoken to Snape, not that I could have proved anything.

I might have managed it if I had let Blaise help me, he was far more ambitious that I, but I was determined that this was my mission alone to complete and not his. It shows me now, even as I write this down, that I clearly wasn't trying very hard.

"She's is wondering how I'm planning on fucking with Granger", I replied reassuring Blaise as I spoke and watching him visibly relax.

"How are you planning on doing this?" He asked his face turned eagerly towards me like Pansy's.

"What the fuck does it matter to either of you", I said suddenly annoyed at their perverted curiosity and getting to my feet. "Just fucking watch, you don't need to know everything. I'm going to bed and don't fucking follow me", I said turning back to Pansy who had started to get to her feet.

She sank back down with a huff and stared at me indignantly. I heard Blaise audibly say that I was probably just tired and to give me some space. He thought he knew why I was getting so angry but in truth he had no idea. The reality was, I had absolutely no idea how I was going to fuck with Granger and the fact annoyed me. I was better than her in every single way not even to mention my blood status and yet...I couldn't think of one original idea of how to get to her.

I didn't realise she would present me with the opportunity the very next day and it would become all too easy. The idea would just present itself into my head and I would make it seem like I had thought of it all along.

I walked into the Great Hall the next day with my usual following of Blaise, Pansy, Nott, Crabbe and Goyle; both of the latter sporting black eyes. My talk with them about showing off their Dark Marks every chance they got hadn't gone well and eventually the only way to get through to either of them had been to use my fists.

They were grumbling but at least for now, they were silent.

We had just walked through the front doors when we walked straight into the Golden Trio coming out. We stopped, as did they, and did the general rite of passage: the sizing each other up at the beginning of another year began. This time was different though, I was an official enemy now not just some guy in school who hated them.

"Potter, I heard about Black's death. I almost forgot to tell you, congratulations. You've succeeded in killing someone actually on your side. I thought it was hilarious". I drawled the words slowly, savouring in how wonderful they tasted, bringing my usual trademark sneer to my face.

"Fuck you", he replied staring at the floor.

"Oh touched a nerve did I? Oops", I laughed and my group followed suit. I wished they would shut up, did they realise how stupid they all sounded. Blaise stood to stand next to me, he towered over all of us but he didn't exude the same intimidation I knew I possessed. Perhaps that was made me so arrogant?

"Weasley, you look as poor as ever", I nodded in his direction still smirking.

"You look as slimy as ever Ferret", he replied laughing.

I bristled slightly but tried to make sure it went unnoticed. That fucking Moody would pay for doing that to me; it had earned me a damn good beating from my father.

"Yes but I wasn't a ferret for very long was I? You'll always look poor", I retorted earning some more guffaws from Crabbe and Goyle; boring fuckers.

"Granger", I said finally bringing my gaze to rest on her and letting her name drip all over my tongue until the pain in my arm subsided again.

"Yes? Any remark on what a horrible mudblood I am?" she said folding her arms, "I'm ready for the insult of the morning".

"Good morning. The holidays have been good to you I see, you're glowing and it's very becoming", I gave her a winning smile.

"Isn't she Blaise?" I said turning to him and watching with admiration as his features betrayed none of his inner shock.

"Glowing", he nodded, "Be polite everyone, say good morning to Granger".

Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle were less adept at hiding their shock but regardless greeted her with a civil 'good morning'. Not willing to anger me again following my lead was all they knew.

"What the fuck are you up to Malfoy?" said Potter, finally finding his voice as we watched Granger unfold her arms and leave her mouth hanging open.

I leaned towards her slightly ignoring him. "It's rude not to respond".

"Eh...um...I...Good Morning", she eventually stuttered, much to the chagrin of Harry and Ron who rounded on her as if she were the enemy.

I didn't have to say anything else; I had completed my task for this morning. I had thrown her totally off balance.

We sat into the table and I began filling my plate with eggs and bacon, ignoring the pointed stares of my friends.

Eventually when she could bear it no longer Pansy whispered, "What the fuck was that?"

"That, Miss Parkinson, was the beginning of part one", I said, now dolloping ketchup on my plate and not meeting her gaze.

"Part one?"

I put down my knife and fork and locked my fingertips together staring at her over them. "I have decided that in order to fuck Granger's world over I have to do three things".

I raised one finger, "One, I have to change how people view her. I have to make them believe she isn't who everyone thinks she is. I have to plant the seed of doubt in everyone's minds and I know just how to do that and it and no I'm not telling you", I watched Pansy shut her mouth again.

"Two", I raised two fingers, "I have to alienate her from her friends and that is a little harder to do because they are like two loyal fucking lapdogs. After part one, they will stick by her no matter what so to do this, I have to change her opinion of me so that they think they have lost her completely".

"And three", I raised three fingers and waved them in front of everyone's face, "Well, that bit will be pretty easy to grasp. You see by destroying her reputation and ostracising her from her friends the result will be utter breakdown. Plus the removal of someone she thought she trusted", I indicated myself, "Will be the last straw and she will tear herself to pieces".

"You're a genius", Pansy gushed and followed it by murmuring "You aren't planning on doing anything...unsavoury though...you know physically like?"

"I'll do whatever the fuck I have to so you'll just have to get over it", I smiled returning my attention to my food.

She pouted but it was Blaise who spoke next.

"When does part one really start though, if that was just the beginning of it?"

"We're already in the middle of it; don't you think right now Weasley and Potter are already furious with her for speaking civilly to me? You mean to tell me that my plan isn't already working", I grinned at him.

"I thought alienating her from her friends was the second part of your master plan", said Blaise furrowing his eyebrows.

"It is but like I said, the first part was changing how people view her. Well that will include her friends won't it? Believe me each part needs the previous part in order to work, it's a three-pronged approach", I grinned at him.

"So it's like...school, friends and life really in a sense?"

"I couldn't have dumbed it down better myself", I smirked at him and he punched me in the arm in response.

_She made it all too damn easy._

_If it had been harder, I could have gone right on hating her and nothing in my world would have changed too much. _

_But it was too fucking easy and that is all her fault. _

**_Review_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

**Your choices are half chance**

_When I said to my loyal followers that Potter and Weasley were already laying into Granger about the way she had been civil to me, I was guessing. How the hell was I supposed to know what was going on with them? Funnily enough, I never even thought to ask her if I was right but I took a chance that that was what was happening. It didn't really matter if I was spot-on with my estimations mainly because either way they would abandon her eventually. That was the whole idea. About a week passed after the great revelation of my plan in the Great Hall on that inspiring morning before I had a major turning point. _

_And I have her to thank for that turning point. _

_If Potter hadn't worked her up about what secret business I was doing, she never would have been following me._

_I told you, she made it all too damn easy. Ready?_

I walked out of the Room of Requirement slowly checking my surroundings carefully before heading back down to the Slytherin Common Room. Being a Friday night I was assuming that everyone would be safely encased in their own houses enjoying the start of the weekend. I had been so pre-occupied the last week that all thoughts of Granger had left my head and unfortunately my Mark was burning more than ever.

I had recently come up with the idea of repairing the Vanishing Cabinet in order to allow the Death Eaters access into the Castle. Not that I had told anyone yet, the damn thing was in terrible shape and it would take a lot of time and research until I figured out how to fix it and how to come and go from the Room without being noticed. Thankfully, my mind was already forming an idea for coercing Crabbe and Goyle into helping with being my look-outs.

That would require a Polyjuice Potion though. If those two oafs started hanging around this corridor, Potter would surely notice and since he was already more than aware of the room, it wouldn't take him long to figure out what was going on. The bastard hadn't given me a moment's peace since we got back and it had only been a week. He was following me, I felt sure of it but I had yet to catch him in the act. How the fuck did he always seem to know where I was?

About halfway down the third floor corridor I had the sudden realisation that I was being followed at that very moment. Someone had seen my come out of the room then. Why else would you follow a student through the school unless you had seen something interesting? If it was Potter, I would kill him myself right here.

I paused with the pretence of tying my shoelace and I detected the tiniest hint of lavender.

Granger?

Potter must really be agitated over what I'm doing if he has already managed to get his friends worked up enough to take it upon themselves to follow me around.

The pain in my arm subsided and I sighed with ease. This could work to my advantage. It was surely about time that I started my Master Plan. I had been so distracted this week, sleep was eluding me and already I had to force myself to eat every day. So I certainly deserved some respite.

Granger, you couldn't have made it easier if I had personally gone to the Gryffindor Common Room and kidnapped you myself.

Reaching the bottom of the Grand Staircase, I decided I would take a detour out of the Castle. The doors wouldn't be locked yet. Filch was always lax about the doors on a Friday because this was the only evening he had off or rather, that he gave himself off. The Hogs Head served him with one too many of Ogden's finest and he would stumble back up to the school and realise that he had yet to lock the doors.

I'm assuming he was allowed to get away with such behaviour because he was partial to a drink and mentally unstable to boot. If they didn't allow him to blow off steam in a way that didn't involve chaining students by their ankles to the ceiling, then he had to be allowed a few drinks.

Sure enough the doors creaked slowly open at my touch and I stepped into the cold night air. I was banking on timing this correctly with Filch's return. That part was to be imperative to my plan and with him slightly inebriated...well let's just say it was going to be essential.

Now, here Granger would wonder whether or not to follow me. I'm not sure if she was aware of Filch's Friday night habits but either way leaving the Castle at this time of night was against her precious rules. She would hesitate, I figured, and then decide that if she was caught she would rat me out as her reasoning for being out here in the first place.

I grinned to myself already enjoying the power this was giving me and the fact that her proximity was making my Mark almost tingle with excitement.

The air was cold for September and I shivered slightly, drawing my coat jacket further around myself not that it would matter in a little while.

I came to a halt at the edge of the lake, banking on her being somewhere close behind me. Filch would be back in less than four minutes if he was following his usual routine.

Then, with careful movements, I pulled up the sleeve of my left arm and left it open to the elements, the cool breeze soothing the burning feeling as warm water soothes an aching body. I sighed and tilted my head back, closing my eyes and sharpening my ears.

She was coming closer, possibly to see what I was doing and that was exactly what I needed her to do, I needed her to come so close to me that she could almost see it.

Almost, but not really; it was more so she would think she had seen it.

Only a few more steps.

I brought my head back up sharply and shockingly heard her gasp audibly. She was very close to me now and wondering whether or not I had heard her. I lowered the sleeve on my left arm, there was no need to keep it out there now; her imagination would already have created the image.

"I knew it", she whispered and without a moment's hesitation I turned and grabbed her shoulders, feigning shock on my features, and fell backwards into the lake tugging her after me.

She landed hard on top of me and just before the splash resounded around us, I heard Filch's voice roar. This couldn't have worked out any better.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and kicked for the surface, surprised to find that she was gripping me with such force that you would swear I was actually trying to drown her.

I pulled her to the surface but kept my arms encircling her waist, holding her to me as she coughed and spluttered back up the water she had managed to inhale. What an idiot, had she never heard of closing her mouth underwater?

"Students..." Filch mumbled, staggering slightly as he came huffing and puffing towards us.

Granger screamed and struggled from my grip but I held her like a vice, my fingers digging into the small of her back.

"Stop fucking struggling", I growled, "Or I swear I will dunk you under and hold your head there".

She stopped immediately, tears forming in her eyes. "Please don't", she mumbled.

My heart was thudding hard as my body screamed in apparent delight at having her so close to me. Her tiny frame fit into mine perfectly and our hips ground together as she held onto me for dear life.

"Out, I'm taking you to the Headmaster", said Filch upon reaching us, clutching his side for breath even though he couldn't have ran more than twenty steps.

I shoved Granger out onto the hard ground, her uniform now soaking and her hair plastered to her face. I smacked the back of her bare legs telling her to get a move on.

She glared at me but the blush rising in her cheeks told me she was utterly mortified.

"Mr Filch", she began getting to her feet and wiping her hair from her face, "I must protest".

I climbed out to stand beside her saying nothing, annoyed that my plan had made me soak my own black suit but knowing it was essential.

I wiped my own soaking hair back out of my face and folded my arms attempting to look casual even with my suit dripping water behaving as if Filch was interrupting something important.

"I wasn't doing anything wrong", said Granger pleading with Filch as he grabbed her shirt collar in one hand and my own in the other.

"You are outside cavorting with a fellow student. Tell me again you weren't doing anything wrong", he hiccupped at the end of his little speech, taking away what little authority he thought he had.

"Dumbledore's office then?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Yep", said Filch.

"You know, McGonagall would be the better choice Mr Filch. It would seem unfair to disturb the Headmaster with something as simple as a couple of students being out in the grounds at this late hour. Especially since the smell of Ogden's is oh so apparent". Filch stopped shoving us for several seconds as he pondered what I was saying taking in my face, the epitome of reason and sense.

"Aye", he eventually muttered, steering us towards McGongall's office on the second floor, rather than Dumbledore's.

Perfect.

Granger was still struggling; she clearly wasn't used to being man-handled. A lifetime with my father had taught me to just put up with it; it would be over that much faster.

"Fine take me to McGonagall, I'm sure she will be interested in what I saw", said Granger seething at me.

"What did you see Granger?" I smirked at her.

"I saw, you standing there...your sleeve rolled up and...I saw it", she finished lamely.

"You would swear on your own life that you saw everything?" I wriggled my eyebrows at her, smiling at her sudden look of uncertainty.

Filch brought us to a halt outside of McGonagall's office.

"Get off me you filthy squib", I said shrugging out of his grasp and bringing my usual attitude out to the fore, best not change everything about myself if this was to work.

He banged on the door loudly, crying his usual 'students out of bed' shit at the top of his voice which echoed down the halls.

McGonagall greeted us in her Tartan dressing grown, not yet having gone to bed she was alert and awake. Even better, I couldn't have her bleary-eyed for this.

"What is the meaning of this Mr Filch?" she glared at him folding her arms but quickly dropped the demeanour when she took in our soaking forms.

"Miss Granger? Mr Malfoy? You're soaking wet?"

"I caught them outside, in the lake Professor...cavorting", Filch hiccupped again and I couldn't help but snort with laughter.

"Argus, go to bed and thank you for your diligence. You two, in here now", she moved to one side to allow us entry.

"Mr Filch?" I said as he turned to go, "Don't forget to lock the front door now", I smirked at his stunned expression and waited for him to stumble quickly away from me.

"In", McGonagall scowled at me.

With a flick of her wand, our clothes were suddenly steam drying on our bodies and I relished in the warmth, preparing myself for what was to come. It had to be convincing, _I _had to be convincing.

She shut the door with a forceful slam and put the distance of her desk between us. Standing there with her arms folded and her eyes blazing, I was almost intimidated.

Almost.

"Now Miss Granger, what is the meaning of this?"

"I was...I saw Malfoy go outside and I followed him because it is against the rules and then...he was beside the lake and he was looking at his left arm...and then he grabbed me and we fell into the lake", she trailed off because her story had absolutely no weight.

I stared at her with mock incredulity; Jesus even though I knew she had no story to stand on this was just pathetic. She hadn't seen my Mark and if she was to say she had, she would be dragging Potter into all of this too. It was all too easy.

She stuttered and struggled over the words of her story, knowing they were a useless defence. It was pitiable to watch but also hilarious.

It was like watching an old person fall over repeatedly; I shouldn't have found it funny but it was.

McGonagall said nothing at first, appraising Granger with the same incredulity that resonated on my face. Then she turned to me and gestured for my side of the story.

I took a deep breath, "Granger and I are lovers and we were having a tryst until we were so rudely interrupted".

My words hung in the air like proud banners for all to see.

I was still smiling, I couldn't resist as the overwhelming feeling of triumph pulsed through my body.

"L-lovers?" stuttered McGonagall.

"What?" said Granger turning to look at me, her eyes blazing furiously.

"There's no point in denying it Granger, we've already been caught", I turned back to McGonagall. "We've been meeting secretly all week, since school got back, and we can't stay away from each other. I was trying to end it with her because she is getting far too clingy but we got into a fight and then we fell into the lake", I shrugged as if to say 'shit happens'.

"He's lying", Granger screamed, turning to me and thumping her fists off my chest.

I grabbed her wrists, "Now you can see Professor how we ended up in the lake".

"We are _not _lovers", said Granger through gritted teeth, "We aren't".

"Then why did you follow him outside and not go and get a teacher and report his behaviour?" said McGonagall, taking off her glasses and rubbing her own now tired eyes.

"Yes Granger, why didn't you?" I smirked at her, still holding her wrists.

"Because, I was going to get you myself", she said lowly.

"Granger, stop the pretence, we've already been caught. The game is over", I sighed in mock defeat.

"We haven't been doing anything", said Granger, "I never did anything with him".

"Oh please, we've been fucking like rabbits", I said smirking at McGonagall when she flinched.

"Mr Malfoy, please refrain from using such obscenities", she sat back into her chair suddenly exhausted, "You will spend the next four Saturdays in detention and you are banned from the next Hogsmeade visit for being out of bed and for engaging in unsavoury activities when you are underage, report to my office this Saturday at 2pm".

"This is so unfair, I didn't do anything", Granger's eyes were brimming with tears as she pulled her arms out of my grasp.

"Miss Granger, you are unable to give me a believable story and you were also out in the grounds after hours. What would you have me do?"

Granger said nothing but stared at the floor, there was far too much at stake for her to start revealing what her original intention had been.

I was too busy wondering how to inform the rest of the school of what had been going on.

Filch would have helped, roaring 'students out of bed' so clearly would already have alerted some students that someone was in McGonagall's office being punished.

Sure enough, I opened the door to leave McGonagall's office and milling around, apparently with nothing else to do, were the two worst gossips in the entire school. Lady luck was smiling at me tonight. Here they were.

Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil.

Hermione followed me out, her face still beetroot red from what I had said and their eyes near fell out of their heads.

"Ladies", I smirked, "Come to see what all the fuss is about?"

"What's going on Hermione?" said Lavender, putting a tentative arm around her slumped shoulders.

"Filch caught Hermione and I going at it by the Lake outside", I watched their stunned expressions size me up and decided to make my words more weighted, "We were doing the dirty, you know", I wriggled my eyebrows suggestively.

"Just stop it", Granger screamed pummelling me with her fists again.

I grabbed her wrists and held her sobbing form as she slumped against me unaware of the fact that she was incriminating herself with this action.

I raised her head with my hand and leaned close to her making my voice audible enough for the spectators to hear me clearly.

"Why stop when I love fucking with you? It's just sex, you said so yourself".

She gasped then and before she had time to say anything, I pressed my lips roughly but briefly to hers, pulling away before she could hit me and I would be forced to hit her back.

Nobody hits a Malfoy.

"See you soon Granger", I smiled suggestively, "Ladies".

Granger ran for the Common room not three seconds later and I left a stunned Lavender and Parvati in my wake, watching my retreating form.

This would be all over the school by morning.

The entire school's opinion of the dear little bookworm would change overnight and it had been so simple.

I had planted the seed of doubt.

Part one was pretty much done; now it really only depended on how I tied up the loose ends tomorrow.

I smiled to myself, marvelling at how easy it had been.

Unaware that I had effectively changed my own reputation in the process and I would be disgracing the Malfoy name.

Thankfully, I could have cared less about the fucking Malfoy name. It was like an iron chain around my neck, dragging me down and drowning me.

My father could beat me all he wanted, what was done was done.

I inhaled deeply, Granger's lavender smell teasing my nostrils, her small form slumped against mine had made my heart stutter and gasp out of its rhythm and I had revelled in it.

Fucking with someone had never given me so much pleasure.

_My hand shakes as I write this because I know that I never fucked with her. _

_She fucked with me._

_They also shake because I know what is to come._

_ I should never have hit her. _

_She didn't even know she was fucking with me. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Review**

**Chapter Four-**

**This is not the time for doubt**

_It's been deathly quiet outside of my cell these last few days and the lack of movement and noise is unnerving me. I'm starting to slowly realise that I may be the last one left and the prospect is beginning to frighten me. I wonder are they going to leave me waiting and wondering for as long as they can as a form of torture? _

_I'm not sure of anything anymore._

_I hope I am not the last one left._

_Not because I'm sentimental but because I promised you a story and once they are finished with me, I'm hardly going to be able to write it. _

_All I can do is keep going for the moment. I'm sorry for this...it pains me to even write about it. I should never have...just read. _

When I awoke the next day, I lay in bed for a long time pondering the results of the night before. It couldn't have worked out better really. Firstly with Filch and then of course with Brown and Parvati; it couldn't have gone better. But it had only been one day, how much could possibly happen in one day? Even gossips were only human and I told myself not to expect too much, more than likely I would have to do a lot of the legwork myself.

I was wrong. The rumour had ravaged through the school like the plague; affecting each individual before spreading to the next through the very air we breathe.

I'll admit freely that I felt absolutely no remorse. In fact, the rumour allowed me space if you can believe that. For the first time since school had started, I wasn't being followed or talked about in relation to being a death eater. The whispers following me were now far more interesting than the usual remarks of my allegiance to the Dark Lord.

The whispers followed me from my dorm all the way down to the Great Hall but of course, nobody said anything to my face. The smirk that I couldn't stop from appearing possibly put everyone off confronting me with the story but that didn't stop them raising their voices just to see if I would refute what was being said.

I had no intention of doing any such thing, I needed rumours to flourish.

"I heard they'd been meeting up all over the summer in secret just to 'do it'".

"I heard he loved her".

"I heard she was so obsessed with him, she got a tattoo of his name on her arm".

"I heard it was on her arse". I particularly enjoyed that one, trying not to snort with laughter.

"I heard they planned on running away together".

"I heard she loved him".

It didn't matter what the version was. Everyone knew the basics, we had been caught having sex by the lake and had been at it for a while.

I didn't care about the rest of the story or whatever pathetic edition people wanted to construct in order to make the mundane school life a little more bearable.

Wasn't that my whole reason for indulging in this sick joke? The Vanishing Cabinet and my mission were always at the fore of my mind these days and fuck me if I didn't deserve some amusement.

It was supposed to be a distraction from my own life; I could hardly judge everyone else for indulging in malicious gossip. Indeed, I had been counting on these scavengers to make it work and that is exactly what they were doing by feeding the rumour.

Sitting down to breakfast that morning was possibly the best part of the whole thing. Girls stared at me with awe and wonder and perhaps a subtle hint of lust. Was the bad guy they had denounced me as from the beginning just a mask that I hid behind because of the name I carried? It had to be since I got goody-two-shoes Granger to consent to having sex with me.

The guys just stared at me with a mixture of incredulity and envy; their minds were never even able to contemplate the feat it would have been to get someone like Granger into bed. All they cared about was that I was lucky enough to be having sex.

That was what it was all about; who was lucky enough to be having sex and who could only dream about it.

I sat in beside Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle behaving normally and pointedly picking up a discarded Daily Prophet and perusing the headline, ignoring their looks of curiosity.

They said nothing, I don't think their brains could have formed a coherent sentence even if their lives depended on it but it was irrelevant, Pansy had stormed in not three minutes after I had taken my seat. Every eye in the hall followed her movements and I could detect the gentle buzz of voices; dying to see what would happen between us. The roar of the masses was always going to be tedious in a large gathering like this; it made it so hard to concentrate.

If anyone was going to confront me with the story, it was always going to be her. Even now, I still look back and admire her tenacity.

I flashed her an award winning smile, dropping the paper in the process. In response to my clearly nonchalant attitude, she slammed her books onto the table and threw herself into the seat opposite me. The buzz of voices became louder as if they were wasps gearing for a fight.

I remained passive when I surveyed her and was careful not to let any real emotion show on my face. Her uniform was crumpled and her hair was scraggy and out of place; she had obviously gotten ready in a hurry.

"Is it true?" she forced out through gritted teeth. I glowed with satisfaction; I loved tormenting her.

"Is what true?" I replied carelessly pulling some toast onto my plate, she couldn't be _this _stupid?

She seethed at me a bit more before spitting out, "The rumours". Her eyes blazed inside her pale face, giving her the look of someone half-dead or possessed.

"Well now, what do you think?" I said sarcastically.

"I think some of the stories sound believable and if they are I'm going to write to your father and..."

But what else she was going to do never even made it out of her mouth, because I had suddenly stood and reached across the table, hauling her to her feet by the collar of her shirt and pulling her face close to mine.

"You are not going to breathe a word of this to my father you vile little wretch". My eyes glinted menacingly and she would have cowered from me if I had let her go. The voices in the hall reached fever pitch as they waited to see if I would go any further than merely roughing her up a bit.

She nodded, "I won't write to anyone" she breathed and I knew I had frightened her. Of all people I thought she would have been used to my violent mood swings. I never would have hit her, you understand, I don't hit unless provoked but in all the years you watched her strut about the halls with that petulant smirk on her face I'm sure you thought about hitting her once or twice.

"That's right, you won't", I let go of her shirt and immediately the buzzing stopped again and I couldn't help but detect the tiniest hint of disappointment in the atmosphere. Most of the people in that room would not have batted an eyelid if I had indeed smacked her but I had more honour than that.

Or so I believed at the time.

She had had it coming for years but it would have to be somebody else's job, I wasn't going to bother hitting something as weak willed and pitiable as Pansy Parkinson.

She sat and adjusted her shirt drawing back into herself, her gaze settled on her lap and she refused to meet my eye again.

Blaise, who hadn't moved throughout the encounter, finally spoke up. "So this was part one I take it?"

"Precisely", I said, not moving my glare from Pansy and she squirmed uneasily in her seat but kept her focus on her lap.

"The whole school is talking about it", she murmured.

"I gathered that, I heard most of the versions on the way down here", I said finally moving my eyes from her pale face and picking at my toast.

"And you made the whole thing up?" said Blaise.

"Not exactly, we were caught out by the lake by Filch and taken to McGonagall. But in the real version nothing actually happened, I made it all up", I said between mouthfuls.

"That's genius", said Blaise, "And nobody is going to believe anything she says because she was out there with you in the first place and in McGonagall's office with you".

"I also kissed her", I said proudly, "In front of Brown and Parvati mind you, vultures were standing outside McGonagall's office, just to give the story more credibility. Why do you think it spread so fast?"

"That must have taken guts", said Blaise scrunching up his nose in disgust at the thought, "Did she kiss you back?"

I raised my eyebrows at him in shock, "You think I was going to give her time to? Don't be disgusting".

My mark tingled with delight, a conversation about her was just what I needed to calm the ache in my arm but of course nobody at this table needed to know that. They also didn't need to know that the brief kiss, if you could call it a kiss, had made every bone in my body burn.

Pansy sniffed but didn't dare to make any comment instead she said, "Anyone seen the Golden Trio this morning?"

In response, we all glanced towards the Gryffindor table noticing that not one of them was present.

I shrugged, "She will be getting far more flack for this than I will. People expected it of me remember. I told you, I'm allowing the whole school to doubt her and it certainly is working if she has gone into hiding already".

"Don't speak too soon", said Blaise nodding in the direction of the doors.

Granger stood stock still, her fists clenched at her sides and her pale features hardened with determination. The purple bags under her eyes proved she hadn't slept and for that I was thankful, it was the only thing about her from where I sat that showed I had even bothered her.

Potter and Weasley flanked her on either side, showing their unity no doubt.

Blaise read my mind, "They are sticking by her like loyal dogs, just like you said they would". I could hear the awe in his voice and I revelled in it. This was as far as approval went between us.

"How are you going to handle this then?" said Pansy, turning back to me.

"What do you mean?" I narrowed my eyes at her, pulling my gaze from Granger who was walking with her back ram-rod straight over to the Gryffindor table as if she was deaf to the noise of voices around her.

"I haven't heard her say anything other than it isn't true. I actually overheard her telling people she didn't want to talk about it", said Pansy, "Surely that isn't what you expected?"

My brow furrowed, Pansy was utterly correct which was unusual but rather insightful of her really. This was not what I had expected. I had always trusted myself when it came to the predictability of people but not even bothering to say exactly what happened and attempt to set the record straight? Well that just didn't make sense.

"I'll be right back", I said suddenly getting to my feet.

I walked over to the Gryffindor table and the buzzing followed me, gradually rising until I was standing behind her and the noise was deafening.

"Granger", I said warmly, pulling a smile onto my face.

She stiffened but turned around, not daring to meet my eyes. Her own were red and swollen, she had been crying...a lot. Good.

"What?"

I opened my mouth to speak but Potter had already risen to his feet.

"You are vile, how could you make up a rumour like that? It's sick", he said darkly, clenching his fists.

"Potter, when I need to hear the opinion of an idiot I will make sure to call on you. Until then, sit down before you hurt yourself". I wasn't interested in fighting with him, it would have been fruitless.

"Hermione told us what you said to McGonagall. She also told us about finding you in the grounds", said Potter, now beginning to climb out of his seat. I presumed it was so he could launch himself across the table if he had to.

"Did she tell you what she saw?" I said moving my gaze back down to her. She didn't look at me; instead she twisted her hands in her lap and tensed her shoulders.

"Yes you, wandering around outside after hours for who knows what reason", he finished.

I paused and glanced back up at him, "That was all she told you?" Shock registered on my face, she hadn't said anything about my mark?

Now _that_ was very interesting.

"What more was there to tell, she tried to bring you inside and Filch thought you were fighting or something", said Potter.

I couldn't speak; she hadn't told her two lapdogs that she thought she had seen my mark? Now this, this was unpredictable and rather confusing.

Weasley got to his feet, finally registering in his dim-witted mind that he might have to actually defend his friend, "Fuck off Malfoy, now".

How poetic of him, he really was an articulate person.

"On that rather un-threatening note I will take my leave", I said pulling my thoughts back to the situation at hand and smiling serenely at them.

I leant down to her ear, "Be seeing you then Granger", I whispered softly and revelled in delight when she visibly shivered. My mark screamed in elation when I saw Potter and Weasley plainly glare at her reaction.

The Great Hall exploded in a buzz of excitement. I had given them what they wanted, I had shown that there had to be substance to the rumours; why else would she react that way?

The shock at the sudden revelation nearly showed on my face as I walked away..._Why _would she react that way?

I slid back into my seat at the Slytherin Table.

"She's keeping quiet with no idea that she is only incriminating herself. That's her problem. Listen carefully, in about a week I want you to help me implement part two", I said asking them to come closer, "Pansy push off" I added.

"What? I don't get to be part of it?" she said anger blazing on her face.

"No, it could be rather unsavoury and you are a girl so, off you go", I motioned at her to leave and didn't fail to see the tears brimming in her eyes when she leapt to her feet and stormed off.

"I was just going to ask how you planned on getting her to trust you enough to change her opinion of you?" said Blaise curiously.

"That's where you all come in", I grinned triumphantly.

I loved it when things came together.

_I feel nauseous._

_I should never have done this. I should never have hurt her so badly._

_All I did was make things harder for myself and for her. _

_And I should never have asked Blaise to attack her but how did I know he would go so far?_


	6. Chapter 6

**Review!**

**Chapter Five-**

**Too far to fall.**

_We're starting to get into the heart of this now, can you feel it yet? I can and I tell you I feel my shame inside me like a knife that twists and pushes against my gut. I want to vomit but I have nothing in me to bring up, only guilt and regret. I once believed that I could get through life never regretting anything, what was the point what was done was done and there was nothing I could do about it._

_But now, when I see all that I could have done differently, regret seeps into my very pores, poisoning my heart until my soul turns black. _

_How could you possibly love me?_

_How did you ever fall in love with me?_

_And how did I…how did I fall in love with you before I'd even realised it had happened?_

"Soon?" His voice had been bugging me all day. Blaise couldn't sit still, ever since I had told him of the plan he had persistently asked me when he might…go and do the deed. I had told him he had to wait a week but then this had evolved into two weeks to coincide with the Hogsmeade visit that neither myself nor Granger were allowed to attend.

His anxiety was getting on my nerves; he was dying for me to set him loose. Don't misunderstand, I was dying to set him free but constantly asking me when he could? Well, that was just irritating.

"Will you stop asking me that", I replied upon entering the portrait hole on that Friday evening and slumping into a chair next to the fire, not before I had roughly removed some disgruntled third year from the very spot.

"You've been putting it off, getting cold feet?" He glared at me, narrowing his eyes as he sized me up.

I loosened my tie and glared back, "Stop fucking looking at me and no I'm not getting cold feet, I told you, we need it to tie in with Hogsmeade".

"Remind me why again, we could have had all of this done last week and you would have been one step closer to ruining her life", he replied scathingly.

"We both have one more Saturday detention to go, Snape won't be supervising me and from what I hear she has been clearing papers for McGonagall, who won't bother to supervise her. She will be all alone with no lapdogs. Easy", I said, tired of repeating myself to this oaf who blatantly refused to hear reason.

"And this is part two?"

"No, this is the beginning of part two. Getting her to trust me again after what I did to her", he leaned forward, "You just stick to what we agreed and it will all go off without a hitch".

_How could I be so naïve that Blaise would do anything I told him to? He was terrifying enough when we kept him on the leash but how could I not have imagined what would happen when I let him go feral?_

"It's hard to keep up with your damn plan. From what I can see nothing has happened since the lake thing", he muttered pushing himself roughly back into his chair and picking at his jumper.

"Then you haven't been paying attention", I said exhaustedly, leaning my head back against the chair and closing my eyes.

In truth, nothing much had happened with her since that night but that didn't mean I hadn't been busy. This Vanishing Cabinet just didn't want to co-operate with me and the whole murder Dumbledore thing wasn't going quite as I'd planned. I had given some thought to various ways to sneak dark objects into the castle and kill him that way but getting someone else to do it was the hard part.

I had planned on getting someone to pass him the cursed necklace I had still wrapped in tissue at the bottom of my trunk but I needed to be in Hogsmeade to get someone on their own and surprise surprise, my little joke with Granger had prevented that from happening.

Already, my extra-curricular activities were hindering me from completing my mission. Yet another secret I had to keep to myself. Voldemort not to mention my father would have had my head on a spike if they realised I was jeopardising everything for the sake of fucking around with some mudblood who didn't really matter anyway.

But, as I kept telling myself, I was doing it to distract myself. I rubbed my arm unconsciously, trying not to let images of her trickle into my brain when I sat in such a public space.

Blaise growled lowly under his throat.

"What is it now?" I said, not looking at him but rubbing my temples slowly.

"Mark is fucking burning the arm off of me" he murmured lowly.

My eyes snapped open, "Find a way to cope then, going around growling under your breath will only make people think you are either branded or part werewolf".

Blaise grinned, "That might be a fun rumour to promote though".

I grinned back at him, "I'll see what I can do".

"Where we you until now anyway, I didn't see you after dinner?" He continued.

"Library, trying to find more information on…" I trailed off and gazed at him meaningfully but he got the hint.

"Still not going well?"

"I've killed about three birds so far", I laughed humourlessly and shrugged trying to seem as if I wasn't bothered when really it was gnawing away at me.

Blaise shrugged, "You're looking in the restricted section yea?"

I raised my eyebrows at him mockingly, "Oh no I wasn't, I didn't even _think_ of checking the restricted section for details of dark magic. You are a genius".

"No need to be sarcastic", he muttered.

"Well honestly, where the fuck did you think I was looking?" I rolled my eyes at him.

He shrugged in response resuming the gentle massage of his arm.

"Stop that, you're drawing attention to it", I said angrily, leaning over and pushing his arms apart.

"I can't help it, how do you cope with it then if you're the expert?" He waited expectantly for an answer but he was going to be waiting a long time. I wasn't about to start telling him of my night-time ritual of picturing various scenarios of me and…her in some startlingly compromising positions that got dirtier and dirtier the longer I allowed myself to picture them.

This had to stop, it was getting worse. In the last two weeks, any time I had had the chance to rub against her in the hallways I had taken it shamefully but the feeling of euphoria that had erupted within me the second my body brushed against hers I can't describe it. Let's just say my mark no longer existed and that feeling was just too sweet to resist.

But it had to stop, soon I would crave skin contact and that just couldn't happen. So for the last few days I had made myself stop thinking about her or going near her which was easily done since she avoided me any chance she got.

She hadn't looked me in the eye once since everything had started, which had made any more progress slightly difficult, but she was only feeding the still circulating rumours. Everyone thought she was so embarrassed by being caught that now she had to stay away from me.

I had told Pansy to continue to power the rumour mill; to tell everyone that I was being plagued by late-night owls from the bookworm herself about meeting up for another dirty rendezvous. It had worked so far but Pansy was getting tired of it and she was slipping.

I had overheard her telling a group of Slytherin girls that very day that not only was I tired of being plagued by Granger, the whole 'us having sex thing' probably wasn't true and Granger had made it up herself.

Luckily, I had been there to dispel this before it had settled in their heads and they had started spreading that around. Instead, I had picked a massive fight with Pansy telling her that she was just jealous because Granger was better in the sack than she was. I had made sure to use to the crudest language I could think of at the time just to see her face turn beetroot red.

That was punishment enough for her. I had given her specific instructions and she was allowing her own personal feelings to get in the way and hindering my plan in the process; that just wasn't on.

Needless to say it had worked a treat, Pansy had been stunned into furious silence and the Slytherin bitches had gone off to spread the word of the whole thing causing a rife between myself and Pansy and therefore _had_ to be true. Why would I upset my future bride needlessly unless it was indeed fact?

The future bride part had annoyed me but how could anyone have expected her to keep her engagement to me a secret?

"Where is Pansy?" I said suddenly looking at Blaise.

"She is in the huff", he grinned wickedly. "Something about you and her arguing in front of a few Slytherins and now she is furious at you. Plus, she is still pretty angry that we won't tell her what we have planned for Granger".

"Still?" I said raising my eyebrows, "I didn't think she would still be angry about that".

"You're underestimating her then if you think she won't hold a grudge about this", said Blaise knowingly.

"No, I'm not underestimating her at all. I've already caught her trying to dispel the rumours herself and I was lucky to catch her at it".

"Ah that would explain your reasons for fighting with her so publicly", said Blaise, nodding.

"Precisely", I replied, "But if she keeps doing this, it will be more than an argument she will have on her hands".

"Mate, we don't hit our own", he said warningly.

"I'll punish anyone who gets in my way", I said to him narrowing my eyes to prove that he wasn't exempt from this fact either.

"So tomorrow?" he said hopefully, changing the subject abruptly.

"Tomorrow", I replied, "I'm going to bed. If you see Pansy, tell her to get a grip from me".

He smiled in return and I nodded at him before walking wearily up to my bed.

Sleep wouldn't come to me though; anticipation of what was to come kept me awake. I tried not to picture her but I did and eventually a restless sleep found me where dreams of Granger being cornered by Death Eaters of which I was one raced through my mind.

The next morning, I was ambushed on the way down to breakfast by Pansy who had finally decided that the stony silence that had lasted a few hours was enough punishment for me.

Idiot that she was.

"Tell me what you are going to do", she said slipping her arm into mine after popping out from behind a suit of armour and walking beside me down to the Great Hall.

"No", I said simply, stiffening at the feel of her slight form against me. She was far too bony to be anything like Granger. There was nothing curvy about her figure and sometimes I used to envision I was having sex with a skeleton. Which believe me is what it felt like, her all knees and elbows body grinding against me was enough to kill anybody's mood.

"Draco", she purred.

"Stop that, it actually makes me feel sick when you talk like that", I replied.

"Why won't you tell me? I can handle anything you've got. Nothing scares me, you always said you liked that about me", she said crossly.

"I do like that nothing scares you but I hate that you think you deserve praise because of that", I said passively. "I'm not telling you because you don't need to know. There are certain things a guy doesn't tell a girl and this is one of them".

She pushed me into the wall, forcing me to stop walking and finally look at her. She held my arms and glared into my face. Like I said, I always admired her tenacity; nobody else would even have dared to do this.

"Are you going to let Blaise rape her?"

I smiled and pushed her arms away forcefully, "What gave you that idea?"

"Because he doesn't know when to stop Draco and you know it. Whatever you have said to him to do to her, know that he will always go one or two steps further just because he can", she said knowingly and I knew she was right.

"He will do as I say", I said confidently, beginning to walk again but this time she didn't follow me.

"Don't say I didn't warn you", she shouted at my retreating back.

I knew she was right, I mean this was my best friend she was talking about. But I was confident in my ability to control him and the fact that I had specifically asked for his help; well, all the more reason for trusting him to do what I had laid out.

At breakfast, I gave Blaise the final details of the plan. He, Crabbe and Goyle would go down to McGonagall's office where she would be working unprotected. Blaise would…rough her up a little bit and then I would arrive to save the day.

Crabbe and Goyle were to keep a lookout but also to barricade the door if she tried to get away.

Easy, nothing to it.

When those going to Hogsmeade said their goodbyes, I told Blaise that this al depended on timing. He would have to wait until she was an hour into her detention to ensure McGonagall would leave her there.

Plus, I had to turn up for my own detention with Snape at 2pm and he never supervised me and always returned around three hours later. I would explain my happening to pass by to Granger by telling her Snape had sent me to pass a message onto McGonagall; that was if she asked.

It was fool-proof.

"You are distracted today Draco?" said Snape eyeing me up as I set to work cleaning his store cupboard.

"Am I, sir?" I said back glancing at my watch and seeing the minutes slowly tick by.

"I will leave you to it", he said with raised eyebrows before his black cloak billowed behind him out the door.

About five to three I prepared to leave Snape's office, my mark tingling with excitement and the pulsing warmth coursing through my body from anticipation.

But, Snape re-appeared just as suddenly as he had left and I panicked. At the time I wasn't sure why I was panicking, what did I care what happened to Granger?

But something inside me was screaming to get there and now I would be late…too late perhaps?

"Mr Malfoy, you are finished?"

"Eh…yes, sir and I was wondering if I may go early?" I said shuffling my feet and trying to appear sorry that I had to ask.

"Leave early, why?" he asked settling himself at his desk.

"I have a lot to do, sir", I ground out, glancing at my watch and seeing the time speed by.

"If I can offer any assistance or help, you only need ask", he said lowering his voice.

I looked at him disbelievingly; he wanted to discuss this now?

"I don't need any help", I said quickly.

"Draco, we all need help once in a while. Sometimes the Dark Lord is not aware of what he asks us to do and the price it will cost us" he said enigmatically, gazing into space.

"Eh sir?"

"My apologies Draco but the offer stands", he said attempting to smile but only succeeding in making a small grimace at me.

"I will remember that sir, now please may I go?" I was pleading now; it would take me all my time to run from here to McGonagall's office.

"My office is always open to you Draco", he said motioning for me to leave.

I scarpered out of there, running full pelt up to the third floor until my sides ached but I was late, ten minutes late in fact and every second counted.

What was I afraid of?

That he had killed her…Blaise just didn't know when to stop.

But what I found was so much worse.

Crabbe and Goyle stood stupidly outside the locked door and they flinched when they saw me, panting and clutching my side when I came skidding to a halt before them.

"What?" I wheezed.

They exchanged a glance, "Go in", grunted Crabbe moving aside to let me pass.

"I can't hear anything?" I said.

"Silencing charm", grunted Goyle, also moving aside to allow me entry.

I pulled out my wand and before they could say another word, I had stunned them both. I had to make it look believable after all that I was trying to help her.

I unlocked the door using the simple spell I had learned in first year and suddenly everything seemed to freeze as if time itself was giving me a moment to react.

Granger was flat on her back with Blaise straddling her. She was sporting a black eye and a swollen lip but that wasn't what shocked me the most.

Blaise's trousers were unzipped and he was in the process of pulling them down, her skirt had been lifted up and her underwear ripped through until everything was on show.

The bile rose in my throat. I had seen people tortured and killed but a girl about to be raped? That is a whole other kind of sick.

And not what I had told him to do.

He hadn't listened, even with my warnings, he hadn't listened to me and now…I was furious.

I roared and time began again. Granger's tear stained face turned towards the door and her eyes screamed for help.

I was breathing heavily now, appalled and horrified by this blatant lack of obedience. I raised my wand and before Blaise could blink I had stunned him and his body was thrown off of hers.

She curled onto her side and let out the most terrified scream I've ever heard, sobbing and panting at the same time.

I ran over to check on Blaise who was knocked out cold and threw one punch to his unconscious face. I had to give him some way of knowing that I wasn't happy with him, not by a long shot.

"Shut the fuck up Granger, someone will hear", I muttered, walking back over to her.

She cried harder and I realised being harsh with her probably wasn't the way to go so I lowered my voice and leaned down to her face.

"Are you okay? Did he?"

She shook her head but it brought on a wave of fresh crying.

"We have to get out of here before McGonagall comes back", I said trying to haul her to her feet but she stared at me with distrust.

I rolled my eyes, "I just helped you, I'm not about to do anything".

She nodded slowly and I pulled her to her feet, wrapping my arm around her shoulder to help guide her from the room on unsteady feet.

She slumped against me, allowing me to lead her wherever I wanted to.

The ability on her part to trust me this quickly was breath-taking and not exactly what I had expected. I thought she would have questioned me, recoiled from me even been furious with me.

But then again, I hadn't expected to deal with a near rape situation.

Eventually, I got her as far as the seventh floor which was near deserted and before I could get her any further she had pulled away from me and slumped down to the floor, leaning against the wall for support.

I stood still, not quite knowing where to go from here.

She sniffled quietly before murmuring something I couldn't catch so I slid down onto the floor next to her.

"Try that again in English?"

"Thank you", she whispered, her hand touching against my arm making my mark almost squeal in delight.

I cleared my throat and moved my arm away from her touch; enjoying it just a little too much than was safe. Indeed, I wasn't used to this kind of proximity and I realised that our shoulders were touching so I shuffled away ever so slightly.

"You didn't have to help, they are your friends", she sobbed out quietly.

"Well…what did you think I would have done", I said shrugging my shoulders, still feeling slightly repulsed by the image burned into my brain.

"After everything, I never wanted to speak to you again but…you helped me and I'm grateful", she said getting slowly to her feet, pulling her skirt down properly and trying not to fix her underwear in front of me.

I stood with her and waited to see if she would say anything else but instead, she stood before me defiantly squaring her shoulders.

"Don't tell anyone what happened", she said, "Please".

"Why?"

"I don't want anyone to know, especially not Harry and Ron. I still hate you for those cruel rumours that you made up but this thing isn't your fault and they don't need to know about it".

I nearly shuffled my feet guiltily not really knowing what to say.

"Get some ice on that or something", I said lamely, gesturing her swollen lip.

She nodded, her hair falling down into her eyes which were still filled with tears. Before I knew what was happening, I lifted my hand and brushed her fringe back from her face.

She flinched ever-so-slightly at my touch but she didn't move back. Why was she continuing to surprise me?

Then I did something that wasn't part of the plan. I could no longer blame Blaise for losing control. I leaned in and pressed my lips lightly to hers, resting the hand that had moved her hair onto the nape of her neck.

I waited to be pushed away, for her to furiously recoil from me. She had just been attacked and now here I was practically begging for her to kill me. My mark was tingling as my lips revelled in the tenderness of her own for as long as I would have it before she tried to push me away.

But then, her lips parted and moved against mine and I knew I was in trouble. But it wasn't just that, this girl who I had already screwed around so much wasn't doing anything to stop this.

Nothing at all, indeed, she was responding.

So I reacted the only way I know how.

I grabbed her throat with the hand that had been on her neck so tenderly the moment before and pushed her into the wall, gripping hard.

She let out a breath she had been holding but other than that she made no sound at all. Instead, she watched me with pity as if she felt sorry for me. There was no hate in her face and I couldn't afford to put it there…not yet.

My grip tightened, violently responding to the understanding in her face, and I knew I would bruise her but at that moment I was so caught up in panic and fear that I didn't care.

"If you ever tell anyone about that disgusting thing I just did, you will pay", I forced out through gritted teeth.

"They won't hear a word from me", she whispered back and no matter what look she gave me I could hear the fear in her voice.

"Good, I swear I will render you speechless with the things I will do to you if I hear you've been shooting your mouth of", I said gripping tighter until her face turned red.

"I'm not Pansy", she shot back quick as lightening, "Get off me".

I wrenched my hand away and spun around walking quickly away before rounding the corner and slumping against the wall, breathing heavily.

I lifted a hand to my forehead and felt that it was slick with sweat.

Fuck me; I was in serious trouble now.

_I asked her later why she had kissed me back and she had merely said that it had seemed like the right thing to do at the time._

_If she hadn't kissed me back maybe none of this would have happened._

_No, that isn't true. It all would have happened because I couldn't keep my hands to myself. _

_There is so much more to come, are you sure you can handle to read it? It's taking me all my energy to write it now. _

_I had so far to fall and no matter how hard she tried to hold onto me…I fell._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Six-Did you see that?**

_I remember the first time I saw a dead body. No, wait; correction, the body of a person that had just been murdered in cold blood. Of course I had seen a dead body before; it's called a funeral in case you were wondering. _

_Anyway, I go off topic. _

_The first time I saw a person murdered in front of me was Charity Burbage. Do you remember that? It was all over the Daily Prophet; the fact that she'd gone missing and that it was Death Eaters who were suspected I mean but nobody except a select few witnessed her murder. I scorn this now, how privileged did we think we were? _

_I read the article; it almost made me want to laugh if I'm honest. They were so close to the truth and they didn't even know it._

_The muggle studies teacher from Hogwarts; that's how she was described, a gentle unassuming woman who got herself captured by Death Eaters. She didn't even fight or try to evade them apparently._

_ Did you know that? That part wasn't in the papers. She was in her house drinking tea, it sounds like a joke but it isn't, and when they burst in she calmly told them that she had known they would come for her and that her death would be an example to everyone of the monstrous actions they were performing. _

_She made herself a martyr by using her words; I don't think she raised her wand once._

_Then, of course, just simply had to make an example out of her by suspending her in mid-air above a table of Death Eaters none of whom cared if she lived or died._

_Except me, as cliché as it might sound to you now. _

_Don't get me wrong, I didn't care about her but I was selfish enough to know that if she was murdered in front of me it would change everything._

_And it did._

_It meant that I was really one of them. That I would sit and watch as somebody killed her and then that disgusting snake ate her body and I would say nothing._

_I did nothing and there was nothing I could have done at least, that was what I told myself those sleepless nights afterwards when I lay tossing and turning in my bed, her image refusing to leave my mind. _

_She died and I was there, silent and unmoving. Sitting at that table, waiting for my orders but unable to keep her silent scream from ringing in my ears._

_It was that night that I was told I would have to kill Dumbledore. That same night, with Charity Burbage asking for Snape's help, knowing it would never come, still fresh in my mind._

_"You know what it is I ask of you Draco", he had hissed._

_"I do", I had arrogantly replied._

_We both know I had no fucking idea what it meant._

_And I screwed it all up. As I sit here and tell you my story, whether you are still reading or just flicking through the pages now is irrelevant, all of these memories come rushing back. Some of them suffocate me to the point that my hand shakes so badly I have to stop. Others are a mere blip in my mind, a blip that causes a sudden shortness of breath and then is gone as quickly as it came._

_But back to the point in hand, read on if you think you are able to stomach how sickening things are about to get. Try not to hate me for what I did to you. _

"I did warn you", she was smirking at me and I was ready to thump her so hard that the idiotic smirk fell off her face and slipped onto the floor where I could crush it under my foot.

"I know you did", I was slumped in the safe confines of the Slytherin Common Room, my head held in my hands and I still couldn't bring myself to look at her as she kneeled at my feet.

I had told Pansy the edited version as soon as she had informed me, upon returning from Hogsmeade, of the story that was making its way around the school. Blaise was in the hospital wing after being found knocked out in McGonagall's office, with no evidence as to what had happened.

People were speculating that it had had something to do with Crabbe and Goyle who had been seen skulking away from the same place moments before Blaise had been discovered.

At this moment in time they were shooting me furtive glances from across the room but they knew better than to try and speak to me. Especially since I think I may have just killed them if they had tried.

Nobody had mentioned anything to me of Granger so I assumed nobody had seen her make her way back to her Common Room from the seventh floor.

Pansy of course had no idea of the aftermath of...I don't even want to mention it.

"So he raped her?" She said it in such a matter-of-fact voice. I knew immediately that even if Blaise had been able to get that far she wouldn't have cared one bit, she would have been delighted.

"No, he didn't get that far", I replied, finally heaving myself up from the seat and moving towards the fireplace, turning my back on her in the process.

"So, you rescued her?" She spat out the words with anger and bitter resentment.

"You would rather it had happened to you so I could rescue you?" I spat back, glaring at her, "Maybe I'll arrange that with Blaise?"

She shrank back from my glare and dropped her gaze to the floor, "No...I".

"You just weren't thinking, yea I know. This was all part of the plan remember", I turned my gaze back to the fire.

"I know Draco, I know. So what happens now?" She stood and moved slowly towards me, watching for any sudden movements since I was so unstable in her eyes. She rubbed her hands over my back after deciding I wasn't about to hit her anytime soon.

"You get the fuck off me and we all try to move on", I replied shrugging out of her grasp and making my way up to my dormitory.

In truth, I had mentally decided to leave Granger to recover after what had happened. I didn't think she would be in any position to be fucked over by me. True, she was in a very vulnerable situation and by her own decision she was choosing to handle it alone but I didn't think I could have gotten anywhere even if I had tried.

_I'm not going to bore you with the details of trying to kill Dumbledore, the Katie Bell incident happened about two weeks after this. You know the drill, I got to use the imperius curse on Madam Rosmerta and I slipped Katie the necklace but of course Dumbledore never got it._

"What the fuck Draco?"

"Fuck off Blaise, I don't need you anywhere near me right now", I growled back at him.

We were sitting at Breakfast after hearing about the Golden Trio stumbling upon Katie's cursed body on the way back from Hogsmeade.

So far, nobody had been pointing fingers in my direction; excepting Blaise and the odd glare from Snape.

"How is this any way to go about killing him?"

I glared at him, "I don't hear you coming up with any better ideas?"

He shrugged back at me. He had never quite forgiven me for not allowing him to go further with Granger than I had. He wasn't angry about me hitting him, he was angry about the double standard. He had told me himself, why let him loose if there was going to be limitations and in a way of thinking he was right.

Why tell him he could attack her and then say he could only attack her a little bit?

He had a point, not that I was about to admit that.

"I told you I would hit anyone who stood in my way and you stood in my way", I had said as soon as he had recovered consciousness in the hospital wing.

Now though, it meant that he was more than willing to leave me to suffer the mission alone. He didn't trust me as much as he had now, because I had proved to him that I was not to be trusted. I could easily say one thing and mean another.

In my opinion, he was jealous that he couldn't think of anything better.

"I'm still working on the cabinet alright; I'm trying to kill Dumbledore the only way I know how..."

"Bullshit", he whispered angrily, "Your heart isn't in it at all and you know it. What's changed Malfoy hmm?"

I tried not to let my gaze wander over to Granger but it did and he saw it.

She was sitting apart from her friends just ever so slightly so as not to be noticeable and her food remained untouched in front of her. She was broken, anyone could have seen that but her friends were so incredibly stupid that they looked at her but they didn't really _see _her.

I saw her and I could've sworn that without looking up or even acknowledging that she saw me looking at her, she tensed under my gaze.

"I don't fucking believe this. Your plan to wreck the mudblood's life is bleeding in to what you're actually supposed to be doing", Blaise began to laugh mockingly after following my gaze over to the Gryffindor table.

I got to my feet, "You know nothing Zabini. I'm the one he entrusted this mission to not you".

His laughing stopped abruptly as he got to his feet, squaring up to me easily.

"You think you're so fucking superior. Seeing you brought down a peg or two well that would just be peachy from where I'm standing, so keep doing what you're doing. Continue to screw up and when you fail and you _will _fail, I'll be there to pick up the pieces", he smirked at me.

I was breathing heavily knowing that more and more eyes were beginning to fall on us.

"You want to make an enemy out of me Zabini? Go ahead, I'll be your worst fucking nightmare and when I succeed in getting this cabinet to work, you'll be the first casualty".

With that I strode out of the Great Hall, balling my hands in to fists to keep from turning around and punching him hard in the gut and watching all the air wheeze out of him.

I wasn't surprised in all honesty, Blaise and I had been pitted against each other since we were children and it was only natural that he would be jealous that Voldemort picked me over him.

I'm not embracing my arrogant side either when I say this; I was always smarter than Blaise and more willing to use my cunning than my brawn. He had a horrible habit, as what had happened to Granger would testify to, of allowing his temper to run away with him and become deaf to what he had been asked to do in the first place.

He had been waiting years to finally become someone important and unfortunately, as a result of my extracurricular activities, and the fact that he was getting even closer to the issue than he realised, he was fast becoming a major problem.

Soon he would begin to think there was more to me and Granger than there actually was.

Soon he would realise she was constantly in my mind.

Constantly.

No, stop now.

I pulled myself to an abrupt halt on the first floor, leaning against the wall and clenching my fists tight, closing my eyes and willing images of her broken face at breakfast to disappear.

"Draco?"

My reverie was broken at the incessant whine that was her voice.

"What do you want Pansy?" I asked without opening my eyes or removing myself from the wall.

"Are you alright?"

I sighed, "Tell the teachers that I'm sick and I've gone back to my Dormitory to sleep it off". I pushed myself off the wall and began walking in the other direction.

"I don't want to be disturbed" and without even turning I knew she had opened her mouth to protest, "And yes I mean by you too".

I decided the only place I could go would be the Room of Requirement, the Cabinet would take over all of my thoughts and for once I wouldn't have to think about her.

Unfortunately, the cabinet didn't want to co-operate.

The spells I was reciting were doing nothing and I was running out of ideas. I hadn't the guts to shove another bird into the cabinet and watch as it died inside.

It was needless and not out of mercy for a bloody bird but because every time I realised the bird had actually died, I felt like going out and killing something out of sheer frustration.

But now, this feeling of dejection that was seeping through my bones was just...more disappointing than anything else.

Eventually, after what felt like the 500th attempt I decided that it wasn't going to work, nothing was going to work.

He had entrusted this to me and I couldn't even do it. Dumbledore was still alive, unless my prayers had been answered and he was currently lying dead in his office which was doubtful and the stupid cabinet just wouldn't work for me no matter what I did.

The only thing I could console myself with was that even if Blaise had been chosen, there was no way he would be able to figure this out either, since intelligence wasn't on his side.

I'm not sure how long I remained on the floor next to the Cabinet but I realised after a few hours of moping that it wasn't going to get me anywhere.

It wasn't until I actually left the Room that I really began to panic. I was screwed, completely and utterly screwed. Voldemort could murder my family, he could torture and murder me but it would make no difference I had still not done what he had asked me to do.

Slowly, the realisation of all of it hit me. The realisation of what he was really asking me to do. Snape had been right; he really didn't consider what our actions might cost us.

I was ruining everything for myself. I lifted my sleeve and stared at the revolting mark on my arm. All that it meant to me now was failure. I wasn't living up to what it was supposed to represent and part of me realised I never would because if my heart wasn't in it now, would it ever be?

I slid down onto the floor, I was spending a lot of time down there these days, and pulled my knees up to my chest resting my elbows on them and putting my head into my hands.

"Draco?"

The difference in her tone compared to another girl hit me like a ton of bricks. There was no incessant whining or high pitched deafening piercing wailing; instead when I heard her voice it was like all the tension in my shoulders just eased.

"Are you alright?"

I didn't look up as for the second time today; I was asked if I was alright. I couldn't even open my eyes or lift my head to look at her.

"What do you want Granger?"

She didn't answer and I wondered if she had left but instead after a few more seconds, I felt her body slide down the wall next to me.

Eventually after a few minutes of silence she finally spoke.

"I don't know what's wrong with me", she began and I couldn't help but scoff.

"Nobody is ever going to know the answer to that Granger, sorry".

She said nothing but continued as if I hadn't spoken, "I keep seeking you out. Ever since...the incident with...you know, well", she sighed heavily, "I keep wanting to talk to you and I can't figure out why. I mean, I'm supposed to hate you and then you go and save me and find out I can't stop thinking about you. How ludicrous is that? I must be going mad and I'm rambling now but with you I can't seem to help it. My brain freezes and I can't engage with anything because even your proximity is putting me off right now. You're the reason I can't focus and it's not because I was attacked which is what the reason really should be. But it isn't...it's you".

She was breathing rapidly and I was finally able to lift my head and look at her.

"Granger, I...wait, who did that to you?"

The question which came unbidden out of my mouth caught me off guard as well as her. But I couldn't help myself, on the left side of her neck were four perfectly spaced round bruises that were turning yellow but I could tell they had once been purple.

"What?" She whispered in reply.

I touched one of the marks lightly with my fingertips but her disbelieving look threw me off balance.

"Who did it?" I asked again this time more forcefully and allowing the full force of my possessiveness to take hold. I was determined to find out who had hurt her and hurt them in response. The fact that I should have been repulsed by these feelings didn't dawn on me.

"Draco", she said quietly, "You did this to me".

I didn't answer at first until it began to come back to me, kissing her and then grabbing her throat out of panic. I had hurt her, I had bruised her and I had left her with marks that seemed to be refusing to fade.

"I...I did", I said solemnly leaning my head back against the wall and sighing again, "I did that to you".

"Yes, you did this to me. Even more reason for me to hate you and yet...I can't get you out of my head", she sighed and leaned her head back against the wall in imitation of me.

"Granger, you're only too glad to have me in your head. It's the best thing in there", I replied trying to return to my scathing self.

"You say things like that but I know you don't mean that. I know that I'm in your head", she replied slowly as if she was thinking carefully about each word, taking a risk that she was right and my hesitation to reply proved her correct on that score.

So I did the only thing I felt like doing in that moment. I took her marked neck lightly in my right hand, placing my fingertips over the bruised spots and pulled her head into mine.

My lips brushed hers lightly, testing the waters to see if she was going to reject the advance. My mind went blank as I prepared to pull away but strangely enough I felt her respond to my touch.

Her lips answered mine with an urgency I didn't know she possessed until eventually I pushed my tongue deep into her mouth and revelled in the moan that emitted from deep within in her throat.

I held her neck roughly but only so I could press her closer to me and allow the full scale of what I was doing to wash over me. My hand remained on her neck and I felt her hand come up to hold my arm, her fingers pressing down as the kiss became more heated. I slipped my hand down to brush her breast and growled involuntarily when she moaned under my touch.

"Hermione, what the fuck are you doing?"

We broke apart and she turned her head to see Ron standing behind her. I smiled despite myself as she stood to her feet and faced Ron in utter shock.

"What did you see?"

"Eh well you kissing Malfoy for a start, what the fuck is going on?" He replied.

I stood to my feet and inwardly shamed myself for what I was about to do, this would mark her more than those stupid bruises on her neck.

"Thanks Weasley for finally interrupting, I was wondering how long you would take to say something. I didn't want to have to do that any longer than I had to", I said brushing my clothes off and assuming my best smirk.

"You...you knew he was there?" She whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

I forced myself to meet her gaze before dropping the bombshell, "Of course I knew he was there, you think I did that because I wanted to? It's about time you stop lying to Weasley. What was it you said just moments before; I can't get you out of my head?"

She gasped as the tears slid down her face.

"Yes Granger, as much as you want to believe that you are in my head I'm sorry to say that you only wish you were", I smirked.

"You bastard", she whispered.

"Yes, I am a bastard, congratulations for finally realising it. Good luck Weasley and remember, if you failed to hear her moan for me, she wanted it and despite what's happened here she still wants it and I'm fine with letting that torture you while she hates herself".

With that, I walked off in the opposite direction leaving Weasley to begin shouting at her after all I had said.

I hadn't gone far, I could still hear them yelling at each other, when I had to once again stop and catch my breath.

I had had no idea Ron had been there, I had wanted to kiss her more badly than I was willing to admit. No, I had wanted to do more than kiss her. I had wanted to possess her.

I had wanted to love her.

Fuck, I was in deep shit now.

_I had no idea in that moment of turmoil that my ex best friend was silently watching me laughing to himself that he had found the one weakness I wouldn't be able to cope with having._

_Blaise had figured out what would be my downfall. _

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